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Play the "GONZALES Cantata"
"I don't recall"

I changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America.

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

 ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT

I set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.

I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record. 

I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other president in US history.

My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history.

My  Biggest move Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox. 

I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.

I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1) 

 I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government. 

 I took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).

In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.

In a little over two years I created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.

Canadian add-on the "freest, longest undefended border in the world" is no more since Bush came into power. Canadian citizens born in several countries have to submit to fingerprinting, etc. if visiting the U.S.A.

Canadian citizens who originate from countries such as Pakistan, and who are transiting through the U.S. have been sent back to their country of origin when they were just returning from holidays abroad. There are many, many horror stories of innocent people's lives being severely damaged.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE

I ran for congress and lost.

I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).

I was AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war.

I refuse to take drug tests or even answer any questions about drug use.

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker. (They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to former Texas Governor, George W. Bush and his elevation to the White House.

The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'post turtle'." Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.

The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just want to help the dumb shit get down."

"Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better."
— Press conference with Canadian prime minister, September 24, 2001

"Wow, Brazil is big."
— Joint appearance with Brazilian President da Silva in front of map, November 6, 2005

"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."
— Social Security conversation at the Greece Athena Middle and High School, Greece, NY, May 24, 2005

"We will stand up for terror. We will stand up for freedom."
— on the campaign trail, in Marlton, NJ, October 18, 2004

"And out of the evil done to America is going to come a more peaceful world, a more better America, no doubt in my mind..."
— Welcome Ceremony, Bangor International Airport, Bangor, ME, October 22, 2002

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test."
— at Townsend Elementary School, Townsend, TN, February 21, 2001

"I'm perfectly comfortable in telling you, our country is one that safeguards human rights and human dignity, and we resolve our disputes in a peaceful way."
— Joint appearance with Russian President Putin, Bratislava, Slovakia, February 24, 2005

"We've got an issue in America...too many good docs are getting out of business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."
— Remarks at Victory Rally in Poplar Bluff, MO, September 6, 2004

"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."
— stump speech, Saginaw, MI, September 29, 2000

"You're working hard to put food on your family."
— at the Greater Nashua Chamber of Commerce, Nashua, New Hampshire, January 27, 2000
 

RESUME GEORGE W. BUSH 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC 20520 EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE: Law Enforcement: I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available. Military: I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam. College: I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader. PAST WORK EXPERIENCE : I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland,Texas in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas. ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS: I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America. I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money. I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history. With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida , and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President of the United States, after losing by over 500,000 votes. ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT: I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record. I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury. I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history. I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period. I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period. I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues. I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her. I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President. I am the all- time U.S . and world record -holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations. My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history, Enron. My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision. I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history. I changed the U.S. policy to allow convict ed criminals to be awarded government contracts. I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any President in U.S. history. I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States Government. I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history. I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention. I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US election). I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television. I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history. I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history. I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people, shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind. I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S Citizens and the world community. I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime. In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends. I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security. I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD. I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice. RECORDS AND REFERENCES: All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view. All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. I specified that my sealed documents will not be available for 50 years.   "Of course the people don't want war. But after all, it's the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it's always a simple matter to drag the people along whether it's a democracy, a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to greater danger." ~ Herman Goering at the Nuremberg trials