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Hitler's Records
The Liahona Powerful technology of the ancients ! We believe...
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This
Magic Ball is a compass and a means of divination! |
The Book of Nephi -- from the Book of Mormon...
And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord said unto him: Look upon the ball, and behold the things which are written.
And it came to pass that when father beheld the things which were written upon the ball, he did fear and tremble exceedingly, and also my brethren and the sons of Ishmael and our wives.
And it came to pass that I, Nephi, beheld the pointers which were in the ball, that they did work according to the faith and diligence and heed which we did give unto them. And there was also written upon them a new writing, which was plain to be read, which did give us understanding concerning the ways of the Lord; and it was written and changed from time to time, according to the faith and diligence which we gave unto it.
And thus we see that by small means the Lord can bring about great things. (from 1 Nephi 16:26-29).
Of course you have wondered aboout your life's compass. But what are the answers?
Here at Translated-Correctly.Com™, these questions burned in our hearts and minds too. With the help of a 'couple of our friends' (they can come visit you too), we have found the answers...
As we were just sitting around reading our BOM (Book of Mormon). In Alma, chapter 37, verses 38-39, we found the answer. We needed a ball, a director, a life compass... a Liahona! (continued...)
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As it happens -- believe it or not -- there exists an
actual
LIAHONA store in Utah. |
Gawk
at Specil: HOT Ear Candles! Don't forget to
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From: "Missionary
Depot" <themissionarydepot@gmail.com> Date: Mon, 10 Dec 2007 Subject: Spam: Request To whom it may concern, This Liahona Missionary depot. [sic] You have used our company information and an unauthorized picture of our building on your website http://nowscape.com/mormon/Liahona.htm You have claimed that we sell a Liahona for $99.95 and several other false claims. Please remove our information from your website immediatley [sic]. Otherwise legal action will be taken! Thank you for your immediate attention to this matter. [not signed]
* Which way should I go? * What does God mean? * Where is the Promised Land? |
 Mormon Missionary Blinders - SALE! |
But how do you
obtain a Liahona? We asked our friends where we might get a
Liahona but they did not have the answer. We again were forced to
turn to the BOM. We were guided to 2 Nephi, chapter 5.
Here we found that it is OK to pilfer a Liahona, surely if god's
prophet, Nephi, could grab and run, so could we.
The only Liahona we knew about was in Salt Lake City, Utah, sitting on a
purple pillow in the mormon prophet's personal office.
But how to get in. We needed someone who would understand the importance of our mission and knew the ways of the great and spacious.... building known as The Church Office Building (COB).
| This is how the Mormon Book of Abraham came about. |
One day while we were standing looking up at the COB and beginning to doubt our ability to ever get by all the dark suited FBI wannabes that patrol the grounds, we were pushed into a newspaper stand. The newspaper that caught our eyes was a free weekly paper declaring to be independent. This intrigued us. Being in the land of Zion, there was an obvious contradiction in being independent. We looked around and everyone seemed to be happy in being the same -- no independent thought here. Upon scanning the articles in the paper, we found an article about a reporter who periodically runs into the three Nephites.
These guys are from the BOM and god gave them immortality. If anyone would know how important it is to share the powers of the Liahona, they would. So we took an ad out in the paper asking them to call us.
We then waited anxiously by the phone. A few days later, we got our call. We were told to meet our immortal Nephite at the local bar at ten that night.
When we
arrived, we couldn't help but wonder why he choose this place. We
sat down in the back and waited. Shortly, a waiter came up and
asked us what we wanted to drink. We asked for a couple of beers
and mentioned "We were just waiting for someone.", the waiter replied
"You aren't from around here are you?" We replied "No, but how
could you tell?"
The
waiter told us that our proper pronunciation
of the word 'for' gave us away. He said "I'll go tell him you're
here."
As we were discussing what had just happened, a short, stocky man pulled
up a chair and sat down with us. We soon found out our Nephite had
a part-time job woprking at a LIAHONA store! We eagerly
explained our situation and how we had hopes of sharing the guidance of
the Liahona with the rest of the world. He sat back and asked us
if we really believed anyone cared about that old ball thingy.
After an explanation of how many people are out there looking for someone or something to tell them what to do, he finally agreed he would take the job. But he added, "I get a third of the cut".
We asked him what he meant. He said, if there are people out there willing to let someone or something else do there thinking for them, then those are the same people who would be willing to pay for it too. But then we saw an ad for commercially available Liahonas! Our spirit's rose with joy!
NOW, we at Translated-Correctly.Com™ are proud to make the exclusive offering, for a limited time, of your very own LIAHONA! Guaranteed to guide you in the right direction and help you understand the word of Heavenly Father.
We have contracted out with the engineering firm Urim and Thumim of Murray, Utah, USA, to bring to you a genuine fully functional Liahona as seen in the Book of Mormon. Guaranteed to be better and more accurate than GPS or than the European's Gallelio satellites !
To order your very own Liahona Kit (some assembly required) send ONLY $99.99 plus applicable tax along with a $6.66 shipping and handling charge.
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Look NEW
By
His Own Hand Upon Papyrus
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And if you act now, for the first 10,000 orders, Translated-Correctly.Com™ will also send you, free of charge, an extra spindle... a $24.95 value! Don't wait, supplies are always limited.
Just like the original, the Translated-Correctly.Com™ Liahona is powered by the user's faith. Translated-Correctly.Com™ cannot guarantee the adequacy of the users' faith in any way.
